I see it happening before my eyes, and it melts my heart. She had mentioned a few times that she looks at herself with incredibly critical eyes. She’s 50+ and longs to enjoy the intimacy with her new lover, whom she’s head over heels for, much more freely.
When I ask her what would change in her life if she could let it flow completely without shame, she replies, “Then I would feel completely whole and completely good as I am. Then I would also feel much stronger in my leadership, and I feel a lot of inspiration arising when I imagine enjoying it so freely.”
The Inner Dialogue
I ask her to tune her entire body to the desire she has to feel free in intimacy and to let the sexual energy flow freely. “Which part of your body has trouble reconciling with this desire for free enjoyment?”
“It’s those eyes again,” she says. “They judge my body so harshly that I can’t surrender to it without criticizing what’s wrong with my body.”
“What purpose do your eyes serve by doing that?” I ask calmly. She pauses for a moment. Then she says, “As if they want to preempt any criticism from the outside world. That way, the criticism has already happened by doing it myself.”
“That sounds like they’re actually trying to protect you from something,” I say.
“Yes,” she says, “and now I feel water doming into my eyes. eyes fill with tears. I never realized they were actually trying to protect me.”
“What or who inside you are they trying to protect?”
“A very sensitive, vulnerable part of me, that’s very soft and pure. Very authentic too. A bit pink and fluffy with all sorts of feathers.”
“And that part doesn’t get a chance because of those stern, critical eyes that want to protect it from harsh rejection?”
“Exactly,” she says. Tears continue to well up in her eyes.
“Now that you’ve become aware of this, perhaps you can change the relationship between these two and see if your eyes are open to a new, more supportive role.”
A dialogue ensues between the various parts of herself that she’s now aware of. Her pure, soft part asks her eyes to look at her with more trust and gentleness from now on, because it needs to be seen and take up more space. And her pelvis is brought in to provide more support and strength to this pure, soft part within her.
The Transformation
With her eyes closed, she journeyed through her inner landscape, sharing her experiences with me. I saw the energy in her body shift, a soft glow enveloping her entire being. It was as if a deep insight fell into place. A wave of emotion washed over me, witnessing this. When she opens her eyes and returns fully to the room, her eyes and entire face have a beautiful, deep, soft glow. The shift is palpable, a tangible sense of peace radiates from her.
“Never realized that that incredibly critical gaze at myself was actually trying to protect me, and how wonderful that it doesn’t have to anymore. I really don’t need that anymore…”
The time was ripe…
And I think, that internalized critical gaze at oneself… it is such a common issue. A lot of women struggle with it in some form. Do you recognize it? I do…
